Understand how to heal YOU while loving those suffering from addiction.
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Loneliness is a very common, unfortunate by product of living around addiction. Last newsletter we talked about isolation, and loneliness is it's close companion.
First isolation. Then loneliness.
And this pattern is super challenging to break, especially if those that you love are struggling with active addiction. When you are consumed by the lives of those living in active addiction, isolation happens for a reason....I mean, there isn't much time to devote to anyone else. All energy is consumed by holding the normalcy of life together, grasping for fragments of normalcy to uphold the image of the family or unit.
I'm saying that sometimes the need to keep the secrets of what's actually happening, lead to deep isolation and loneliness. And I'm not casting judgement here.
This is survival.
This happens naturally as a way to protect and conserve all energy to put towards mitigating and "fixing" the cracks that have emerged in the system. This is extremely catastrophic, because community is key to surviving living around and loving those in addiction.......without getting consumed from the chaos.
Loneliness creates separation from hope, a falsity that there is something wrong with you and your loved ones, a sense that you're in this chaos alone. And although loving those in addiction feels hopeless at times, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. This chaos is happening to millions of others too. There is healing and hope in finding safe spaces for sharing, leading to the understanding that you're not alone.
Alright....here's where I'm going to promote psychotherapy (aka, talk therapy). BECAUSE, each of us that contribute to this newsletter are therapists.
SO NOT SUPRISING.... We are a bit biased!
It can be incredibly helpful to have someone to talk to.... as loneliness often comes with the feeling that no one understands what you're going through or that no one truly cares. This is where talk therapy can make a big difference, especially if groups like Al-Anon feel too vulnerable.
Talk therapy gives you a safe, private space to open up and work through difficult emotions. One of the most important and helpful parts of talk therapy is the relationship that develops between you and your therapist. Over time, this relationship can become a powerful source of comfort and support. AND......that's also why if you're seeing a therapist and the fit doesn't feel right......CHANGE THERAPIST.....don't quit therapy all together!
I say this all the time for clients, friends and family. If you don't jive with your therapist, CHANGE, DON'T QUIT ALTOGETHER!!!!! Of course, until you're ready to take a break and feel you've accomplished your goals upon entering, then quit or pause!
Many people find that the connection they build with their therapist helps reduce feelings of loneliness. Therapists create a space where you can be your full self without fear of rejection. That kind of relationship can remind you that you’re not alone. It's a place to feel seen in your chaos. They can't take the chaos away. They can't make choices for you.
They can listen. Help you feel supported in little ways as you navigate the choices and challenges in your world.
Obviously, I love it. I love to hold space for others as a therapist. I love to have space held for me as a client.
A client that loves a whole lot of people that struggle with addictions of all varieties.
Disclaimer: If at any time these tools feel too much– like you’re actually starting to feel flooded by the emotions and lose regulation, stop the skills and reach out to a professional to help you safely hold space for these tough emotions.
Want to try a tool for loneliness?
In DBT, building a satisfying or “life worth living” means creating a life that feels meaningful, fulfilling, and aligned with your personal values—even if it still includes pain or loneliness. It doesn't mean your life is going to be perfect or problem free. Nope, it means you have reasons to keep going and things in your life that bring joy, purpose, or peace.
Loneliness can create symptoms of depression and resentment towards others that are not in your situation, which make it hard to find the satisfying aspects of life. Building a Satisfying Life is a DBT outlined skill that helps to find ways to connection to aspects of life that bring fulfillment alongside the loneliness.
Building a Satisfying Life:
Responsibilities: We get in a funk when our responsibilities are not taken care of daily. Make a list of major and minor responsibilities and find small important tasks to focus on.
Ongoing Structure: Not rigid structure, but forming some sort of structure can build you back up in those lonely moments. Where can you find small ways to weave structure into the chaos?
Use of Skills: You have so many abilities and beautiful wondrous skills, make sure you use your gifts you’ve been given. What skills are you "putting on the shelf" while you care for your loved ones?
Traditions: Many of us think traditions are tied to holidays. But really, you can use traditions every week or every day with those you love. Remember to invite them in these fun occasions with those in your life that aren't draining your energy! Do you have anyone in your life that lifts your energy?
Interest Included: Find new hobbies, find out what you like and may necessarily not like! Practice spending just 10 minutes a day on YOU. You can do it. Start small. Old hobbies, new hobbies. Focus on you.
Novelty: Be reasonable and flexible with your time! When stuff in this feeling of loneliness, remember, you are allowed to do whatever it is you feel to do! These are all simply ideas to build you up to getting back in your own groove!
Envision a Satisfying Life: Stay mindful, don’t give up on yourself!
Connecting with others is one of the most important things, which will be attached to the Newsletter #19 on that specific topic of CONNECTION!!
NEED A RECIPE HERE
“Spa Day Spritz” Mocktail
Ingredients:
3 ounces Cucumber Syrup
3.5 ounces Lemonade
Sprite or soda water to Fill
Instructions:
Combine ingredients (without sprite), shake with ice and pour over ice in your favorite glass. Fill the rest of the glass with Sprite, and garnish with whatever you want!!
SOMATIC + BREATHWORK:
Somatic flow guided by Heidi Potton and breathwork by Sarah Stepans. Offered monthly at The Collective in Laramie! Check out link here to get the dates and sign up! Sliding scale, so all are welcome! LINK HERE!
RETREAT:
SUBMERGE 2025 was a total success!!!!!
Stay tuned for our next retreat details coming soon!!!!
ONLINE:
1) The Heart of Recovery -
A weekly meeting that joins Buddhist meditation and spiritual step work, in order to connect to and engage in a commitment to recovery from addiction, and the everyday addictive behaviors and patterns in our lives. Anyone is invited to participate. Learn more here.
2) Al-Anon Meetings -
Al-Anon is a mutual support group for those that live around addiction. Anyone who's lives have been affected by another person’s addiction is welcome. Online electronic meeting information found here.
Local Laramie Events:
1) Al-Anon Meetings -
This link has all recovery meetings for the area, scroll down to see the Al-Anon meeting times and locations. Click here.
2) The Healing Summit -
Calling all healing professionals, teachers, space holders, providers, healers, and facilitators....a weekend to expereince workshops, healing sessions and networking. June 21-23, 2025. Learn more here.
Additional Resources:
1) Podcast: HOPESTREAM - Hopestream Community™ is the not-for-profit destination for support, education and resources for parents of teens and young adults struggling with substance misuse and mental health challenges.
2) Website: SAMHSA - Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administraion -Resource for Families coping with mental health and substance abuse disorders.
3) Website: RECOVERY RESEARCH INSTITUTE - A Guide for family members.
4)Books: Titles that might help you understand addiction and various forms of healing modalities:
Codependent No More - Melody Beattie
In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts - Gabor Mate, M.D.
You Can Heal Your Life - Louise Hay
The Untethered Soul - Micheal Singer
The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.
What Happened to You - Bruce D, Perry , M.D. Ph.D.
The Dance of Anger - Harriet G. Lerner, Ph.D.
A Monks Guide to Happiness - Gelong Thubten
The Let Them Theory - Mel Robbins
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