Understand how to heal YOU while loving those suffering from addiction.
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Serenity is tossed around a lot in recovery realms. In practice, this sounds great…accessing the calm, surrendering control, and softening to the unknown, allowing life to unfold and just gently leaning into the changes and uncertainty with peace.
Let’s get clear on how webster described serenity:
1. Clearness and calmness; as the serenity of the air or sky.
2. Calmness; quietness; stillness; peace.A general peace and serenity newly succeeded general trouble. Temple.
3. Calmness of mind; evenness of temper; undisturbed state; coolness.
Great. Fine. Okay. Whatever.
Serenity felt inaccessible at the beginning of my healing. How could you ever find calm with constant lies, perpetual financial uncertainty, continuous secrecy and shame, repeated disappointments of failed treatment, the chaos, confusion, heartache…..how could you find peace while the storm continued to rage on?
And sometimes, even now, after all these years of therapy, somatic healing, group work and courses, serenity amidst the chaos can still feel distant and foreign.
For today, I can feel serenity in various ways, right alongside the agony. Instead of aiming for serenity over agony, I allow both to be part of my world.
When you live around a loved one that is struggling with addiction, serenity can feel a million miles away. During these times I return to the simplicity of websters definition, and what I desire in my life as much as possible, the 3rd description: calmness of mind; evenness of temper; undistributed state; coolness. And then I return to my healing skills and tools where I aim to expand my capacity to be with stress and addiction.
So I can respond with an even temper in times of chaos.
So the choices of others do not disturbed my state, and steal my joy.
And I can bask in the coolness of life.
A big key to my serenity is knowing what’s available for my loved ones that are struggling in addiction. This is a tremendous contributor to my serenity.
WHY?
Okay, you know when the addiction swirls, and it seems like there is no hope or way to help? I refer to my list of options that I know are easily accessible and can help my loved one, if they choose. Big key here, IF THEY CHOOSE. Because if there's one thing I've learned during this journey, it's that I can't control anyone. EVER. Even when I want to help SOOOOOOO badly, if they don't want help, it's just a waste of my words, time and energy.
I get informed, and I’m not talking about knowing ALL the different options in the entire nation, or my town, or their town. I keep it simple. I inform myself in two major ways:
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Find a knowledgeable person- that you trust within your recovery community. This person is well versed in the systems of recovery. They know who to contact, how to get into facilities, what facilities might work better than others, what meetings are good to recommend, ect. Often, they have experience in recovery from addiction themselves, and know where to find more information for various forms of treatment and help. This could be a trusted friend, a therapist, or a personal at a treatment center. THEN…..I tell my loved one that is struggling with addiction to reach out to that person THEMSELVES too. This takes me out of being the middle person, and encourages them to take a small step towards recovery and call the person. ALSO, it takes the stress off from me feeling like I need to do hours of research when my loved one might not even look at anything I present or find. This unbiased person of knowledge is critical, to support both you and your loved one.
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Locate FREE options - find recovery avenues that do not cost anything, like recovery farms and work centers. This is huge for me because as addiction increases with those we love, resources dwindle and the option for help seems really far out of reach financially.
These two tools of information allow me to continuously offer options to my loved ones when they are in distress and want help. This allows me to separate myself from the cycles, while also still supporting them with knowledge and information, thus giving them options that don’t require my financial support or encroachment of my boundaries.
Support through knowledge and options. Return the decision to your loved one, remove yourself as the ultimate caregiver and “fixer”, and share what you know and let them decide.
This is hard. I’m not going to sugar coat it. AND, it opens space for autonomy and independence of both you and your loved ones while increasing your serenity through finding space from the cycles.
Disclaimer: If at any time these tools feel too much– like you’re actually starting to feel flooded by the emotions and lose regulation, stop the skills and reach out to a professional to help you safely hold space for these tough emotions.
Ready for a Dialectical Behavior Technique to help you find more serenity???
Let’s dive into Distress Tolerance…a perfect serenity tool called SELF-SOOTHE:
SOOOO many ways to self-soothe but here are the majors:
Sight - Look at a variety of things can calm yourself and bring serenity. Outdoors in nature, pictures of loved ones, drawing, the sky, pets..Etc. This allows your to see new stimuli and find new beauty in your everyday, “ordinary” life.
Sound - Comforting sounds, maybe it’s even complete silence. You can do white noise, maybe your favorite genre of music or favorite song, maybe it’s opening the window to the outdoor noise. Just be still and sit with yourself taking in all of the wonders of the world around you. Find that grounding feeling.
Smell - This one might be my favorite - your favorite candles, make your favorite foods, bake, fresh laundry, rain, etc… take a deep breath of fresh air if you need. Calming yourself is centering yourself.
Taste - Enjoy each bite or drink, savor each part of the process! Distract and indulge in serenity!
Touch - Pet an animal, put oils or lotions on to massage your neck or body where there is tension, comfortable robe or pajamas, soft blanket, etc. Mindfully seek connection to what is pleasing.
Multisensory - This one is finding the richest experience you can by doing all of the above so far! A good example is going on a nature walk, take in the sights like the trees and sky, smell the green grass and fresh air, touch the leaves or flowers or snow, listen to the birds…. Serenity in the present moment all at once.
Mind Sense - Mental Serenity = peaceful thoughts, affirmations, meditations, fantasies an daydreams!
Spiritual Sense - Find your connection to a higher power that you may believe in, whether it is spirit, nature, God, anything! Prayer, meditation, gratitude, anything that sets your soul free and into serenity!
Mint to Be Berry-licious Mocktail
3 ounces Sour Mix
Âľ ounce Lime Juice
1 ounce Mint Syrup
1 ounce Huckleberry
3 ounces Club Soda
2 Marachino Cherry
1 Mint Sprig
Instructions: Combine all ingredients with only 1.5 ounces of the Club Soda into the shaker bottle, then shake and strain over ice in your glass, top off with the other 1.5 ounces of Club Soda to fill, and then garnish with the orange twist and cherries! Enjoy! Enjoy! Enjoy!
RETREAT:
Registration just opened for SUBMERGE 2025 - an immersive breathwork and somatic retreat in Steamboat, CO! Reserve your spot today, space is limited! Sign up here!
ONLINE:
1) The Healing Circle -
Free online monthly somatic healing session (led by Heidi, founder of Life N Flow). Mondays @ 6am MST. Learn more and sign up here.
2) The Heart of Recovery -
A weekly meeting that joins Buddhist meditation and spiritual step work, in order to connect to and engage in a commitment to recovery from addiction, and the everyday addictive behaviors and patterns in our lives. Anyone is invited to participate. Learn more here.
3) Al-Anon Meetings -
Al-Anon is a mutual support group for those that live around addiction. Anyone who's lives have been affected by another person’s addiction is welcome. Online electronic meeting information found here.
Local Laramie Events:
1) Al-Anon Meetings -
This link has all recovery meetings for the area, scroll down to see the Al-Anon meeting times and locations. Click here.
2) The Healing Summit -
Calling all healing professionals, teachers, space holders, providers, healers, and facilitators....a weekend to expereince workshops, healing sessions and networking. June 21-23, 2025. Learn more here.
Additional Resources:
1) Podcast: HOPESTREAM - Hopestream Community™ is the not-for-profit destination for support, education and resources for parents of teens and young adults struggling with substance misuse and mental health challenges.
2) Website: SAMHSA - Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administraion -Resource for Families coping with mental health and substance abuse disorders.
3) Website: RECOVERY RESEARCH INSTITUTE - A Guide for family members.
4)Books: Titles that might help you understand addiction and various forms of healing modalities:
Codependent No More - Melody Beattie
In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts - Gabor Mate, M.D.
You Can Heal Your Life - Louise Hay
The Untethered Soul - Micheal Singer
The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.
What Happened to You - Bruce D, Perry , M.D. Ph.D.
The Dance of Anger - Harriet G. Lerner, Ph.D.
A Monks Guide to Happiness - Gelong Thubten
The Let Them Theory - Mel Robbins
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