Why Do I Need To Change? SO. MUCH. CONFUSION.

Understand how to heal YOU while loving those suffering from addiction. 

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Feel. Heal. Repeat. 

Explore the vast array of feelings that arise while loving those struggling with addictions. 

You don’t expect to end up living around addiction. It’s unexpected and takes you by surprise.

Put simply: it’s confusing.

Living around addiction can bring up a flurry of emotions at any time.

It’s a struggle to love someone so deeply, yet feel frustrated, angry, anxious, embarrassed, and/or unsettled by their behavior. 

There’s a real duality of emotions that our system is constantly trying to sort through. The consistency and stability that we crave (yes, even those of us who love to fly by the seat of our pants and thrive with spontaneity crave this on some level 😉) just isn’t there.

It’s confusing…

messy…

unpredictable…

It’s a lot.

And it seems that if THEY JUST STOP their addiction, then everything would be “cool”,  “return to normal”, “happy”......”it would all just be ok.” The reality is actually very different, and many that live around those with substance abuse disorders don’t ever realize how sick and depleted they’ve become. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, the cycles of living around addiction can leave you completely void of joy, disconnected from community, and struggling for existence.  

A frog in boiling water. And it’s confusing. 

Navigating this state of confusion definitely impacts your nervous system. 

Your head and your heart are at pretty constant odds holding these vastly different emotions. These differing feelings– and BIG feelings at that– make it difficult to regulate emotions. It can lead to the feeling that your emotions are driving the bus, rather than you. And that sensation alone is unsettling. Adding to the messy glob of emotions that your system is already trying to work with.

And that’s not to say that having these emotions is “bad”.

We are very much PRO-emotions around here. We encourage feeling all of the emotions and letting them do their thing! But, we know from experience that it’s not productive or helpful to the healing process to be fully consumed and a slave to your emotions. This is the key difference. 

Likewise, living with this confusing and unsettled feeling keeps your nervous system in a state of “fight or flight.” This constant state of stress is detrimental to both our physical and mental health. Because– of course– it’s all connected.

One of the models of addiction, the family systems model, focuses on how the roles in families interact with each other when someone in the family is experiencing addiction. Some family members' roles may be resistant to the person with addiction wanting to recover because it could threaten their role in the family and this is anxiety inducing. Again, leading to SO. MUCH. CONFUSION. For instance, the caretaker would then no longer need to take care of the person struggling with addiction. We must be aware of our roles in our families and attempt to undo unhelpful patterns of behavior.

Somatic QUICKSHIFT– Confusion: 

So… what do you actually do? Here, I’ve got all the steps for ya!

Disclaimer: If at any time this feels too much, like you’re actually starting to feel flooded by the emotions and lose regulation, stop the movements and reach out to a professional to help you safely hold space for these tough emotions. 

The QUICKSHIFT that I recommend for when you are experiencing confusion goes like this:

• Notice – this is always the first step, and the most important!!! If you don’t notice what’s happening in your system, it’s impossible to make changes! SO, great job already!

• Pause – take a deep breath directly into your belly. Exhale super slowly. 

• Find a straight spine, either sitting or standing. 

• Bring both shoulders up to your ears, like a big shrug.

• Finding tension in the shoulder area, all the way up through the entire face. 

• Hold for 3 slow deep  breaths, then release all the muscles and let the shrug go. 

• Relax your face, shoulders, wiggle out your jaw. 

• Then try it again, bring your shoulders up to your ears, and this time really intensify the shrug,

• Bring deep tension into the face at the same time,  puckering up the face, closing the eyes as tightly as possible. 

• Hold for 3 breaths, hold, hold hold everything tight. 

• Release all the tension, notice the space and softness of the body after the hold. 

• Pause with this calm. 

• Repeat as desired, finding tension in the shoulders, face, and arms and then feeling the complete calm. 

• As you shrug your shoulders upwards towards your ears, find compassion for the confusion and tension in your life. Begin a conversation with your confusion. 

• Yup, you heard me. Talk to it, say hello. Give it permission to exist, even if it feels all silly and pointless. It’s trying to tell you something, even if you don’t understand. Start the relationship by saying hello while you hold space for it with the QuickShift. 

• When you feel the process is complete, place your hands palm face up on the knees.

• Continue the deep belly breathing and noticing what has shifted, or moved as you held space for your confusion today. 

What’s Next?

Alright– you have gone through the QuickShift! …Uh…. What now?

Now, you can take a moment to reflect on how you feel. This can look like a quick internal moment just noticing any sensations in your body, or this may look like taking some more extended time to sit down and journal out your feelings after the experience. It depends on your availability of time and your preference. 

This doesn’t have to be a real formal process by any means.

It’s a quick practice you can add in wherever it feels necessary or fits best into your life.

The goal here is to give yourself a tool that you can use in moments when the need arises AND in small, consistent practices throughout your daily routine.

Remember: keep showing up!

Keep practicing.

Small, consistent steps are the absolute key to healing.

This is a real tortoise beats the hare situation. Slow and steady. You’ve got this.

Learn more about somatic healing and consistent daily practices to support your healing in our Somatic Daily Practice Library!  

Turmeric Sipper Elixir  

6 Limes

5 Mint tea bags 

4 Cups boiling water for mint tea

5 Inches of fresh ginger

2 cups water to for ginger boil

1 TBSP turmeric powder

½ cup honey 

32 oz pineapple juice 

Extra limes for garnish

Find a large vessel to store this party pleasing, cold season supporting, super tasty elixir for all ages! Juice the limes. Add tea bags to boiling water, steep for 5-8 minutes. Remove the tea bags, and place tea in the refrigerator to cool. Peel ginger and slice into thin slices, add to the 2 cups of water. Add turmeric powder and honey to the ginger and water combo, boil. Simmer for 10 minutes. Remove ginger and discard. Combine lime juice, cooled and concentrated mint tea, ginger + turmeric + honey concoction, and pineapple juice together in the large vessel. Adjust to your liking. Serve chilled, over ice, in fancy fun glasses and ENJOY! 

Online: 

1) The Healing Circle -

Free online monthly somatic healing session (led by Heidi, founder of Life N Flow). Mondays @ 6am MST. Learn more and sign up here. 

2) The Heart of Recovery -

A weekly meeting that joins Buddhist meditation and spiritual step work, in order to connect to and engage in a commitment to recovery from addiction, and the everyday addictive behaviors and patterns in our lives. Anyone is invited to participate. Learn more here. 

3) Al-Anon Meetings - 

Al-Anon is a mutual support group for those that live around addiction. Anyone who's lives have been affected by another person’s addiction is welcome. Online electronic meeting information found here. 

Local Laramie Events: 

1) Al-Anon Meetings -

This link has all recovery meetings for the area, scroll down to see the Al-Anon meeting times and locations. Click here.