ANXIETY: The burden of caregiving in addiction

Understand how to heal YOU while loving those suffering from addiction. 

Was this email forwarded to you? Subscribe now to join our healing community.

ANXIETY. Yep. This is an emotion that I would venture to guess we are all pretty darn familiar with.

Anxiety is super common and can be a little tricky to deal with.

Anxiety sometimes shows up, and we are totally unsure why we are feeling that way. Other times anxiety shows up and we are crystal-clear on why we feel this way, but the anxious feeling isn’t helping the situation at all. 

The racing heart.

The racing thoughts. 

Shortness of breath. 

Restlessness.

Overthinking.

Tightness in the jaw and chest. 

Irritability.

Helplessness. 

Muscles clenching.

Constant worry.

Feelings of dread. 

Avoidance.

Shaking and trembling. 

Sweating……

I mean, when you love those struggling with addiction, anxiety is present a LOT of the time. There are so many unknowns, so much swirling, so few solutions. Again, you know I like to repeat things that feel important, or really hit home for me and my experiences while living around addiciton..... anxiety builds, as solutions seem to dwindle. Hence the abundance of anxiety when loving those struggling with addictions. One thing is for sure, whether you can pinpoint a “cause” for the feeling or you are completely taken by surprise, anxiety arrives, and clarity quickly departs. 

So, what can you do to “be with” anxiety without letting it take over? 

There are lots of tools, ideas, techniques to understand anxiety, one tool I use is called a QUICKSHIFT. You can move your body and work with your breath to let this feeling do its thing without exploding into a mess that derails your entire nervous system. Before we go into the quickshift though, let's talk about the burden of caregiving in addiction, and how anxiety builds as caregiving increases. 

When someone you love is struggling with addiction it can be very tempting to want to take care of them, especially if they are not taking care of themselves. This can cause you a lot of anxiety because they are actively participating in behaviors that are hurting them. If you are being a caregiver for someone struggling it is important you prioritize taking care of yourself, whatever that looks like for you, in order for you to retain your own wellbeing. 

Here are some signs of healthy and unhealthy caregiving: 

HEALTHY:

1. Self-care and needs are prioritized

2. Boundaries are maintained

3. Support systems are in place

4. Realistic expectations

5. Open communication

UNHEALTHY: 

1. Not prioritizing self-care and needs

2. Overwhelmed by emotional burdens

3. Complete lack of boundaries

4. Isolation, more reclusion

5. Sacrificing your own life for others
   
   

There can be a lot of anxiety when “unlearning” unhealthy caregiving tendencies, and shifting towards healthy ways to connect and support with your loved ones while in addiction. Give yourself time, reach out for support from professionals, and find compassion for your process.  Pause often, breathe often, and remember, it just takes one small step towards understanding  healthy caregiving at a time. Check out some options below for resources to help you "unlearn" or "rewire" unhealthy caregiving patterns. 

Disclaimer: If at any time these tools feel too much– like you’re actually starting to feel flooded by the emotions and lose regulation, stop the skills and reach out to a professional to help you safely hold space for these tough emotions. 

Ready to QUICKSHIFT and move around some of your anxious caregivng energy? 

The QUICKSHIFT that I recommend for when you are experiencing anxiety goes like this:

• Notice – this is always the first step, and the most important!!! If you don’t notice what’s happening in your system, it’s impossible to make changes! SO, great job already!

• Pause – take a deep breath directly into your belly. Exhale super slowly. 

• You can sit, stand, laydown…really, most any position is appropriate for this QuickShift!

• Take your right thumb up to your right ear. 

• Find the upper shelf of your ear, in the hollow area. In acupressure, this is known as the “heavenly gate” pressure point. 

• Begin to gently push and rub this area in a circle motion. 

• Continue breathing, finding a slow intentional rhythm to your breath.

• Try counting to 4 for the inhale, then 4 on the exhale. 

• Stay with this ear for a minute or two, then switch to your left side. 

• Keep the pressure constant, with slow circular movements. 

• Stay connected to your belly breathing until you finish and release the pressure. 

• Try 3-5 more deep belly breaths while you have a chat with anxiety. 

• Yup, you heard me. Talk to it, say hello. Give it permission to exist, even if it feels all silly and pointless. It’s trying to tell you something, even if you don’t understand. Start the relationship by saying hello while you hold space for it with the QuickShift. 

• Place your hands palm face up on the knees if possible.

• Continue the deep belly breathing and noticing what has shifted, or moved as you held space for your anxiety  today. 

Here’s the beauty of these shifts: you don’t have to do them perfectly for the work to happen. You can adjust for your body and your nervous system. You can change the pace and the breathing and really the whole darn thing! 

This outline is guidance to get you started– because there is a REAL good chance that if I told you to “try a QUICKSHIFT!” when you were experiencing anxiety and didn’t give any sort of explanation that would be a surefire way to ratchet up the anxiety!

“Quick Shift? Is this what it should look like? Am I doing this right? What sort of movement am I supposed to do? Is there a better movement that would be more Quick Shift-y? How long do I do this?...”

Yeah, you get the idea. That’s an anxiety spiral waiting to happen. 

So, start with this. Check in and see how this feels for your system. Adjust as you need to. Like anything else, this will become easier with practice. Give it time.

Again: You don’t have to do this perfectly for the work to happen.

Passion Fusion

1 ounce Seedlip Notas de Agave 

½ cup Passion fruit juice

1 TBSP  lime juice

optional - top with sparkling water 

Lime slices for garnish 

Instructions: Prep the garnish first, slice a whole lime really then, layer them on parchment paper, and cook on 350 degrees for 5-ish minutes, then flip and cook for 5 more. Let them cool.  Grab your favorite glass, fill it with ice. Add all the ingredients, swirl and mix well. Top with  dried lime slice.  Enjoy, enjoy enjoy!

RETREAT: 

Registration just opened for SUBMERGE 2025 - an immersive breathwork and somatic retreat in Steamboat, CO! Reserve your spot today, space is limited! Sign up here! 

ONLINE: 

1) The Healing Circle -

Free online monthly somatic healing session (led by Heidi, founder of Life N Flow). Mondays @ 6am MST. Learn more and sign up here. 

2) The Heart of Recovery -

A weekly meeting that joins Buddhist meditation and spiritual step work, in order to connect to and engage in a commitment to recovery from addiction, and the everyday addictive behaviors and patterns in our lives. Anyone is invited to participate. Learn more here. 

3) Al-Anon Meetings - 

Al-Anon is a mutual support group for those that live around addiction. Anyone who's lives have been affected by another person’s addiction is welcome. Online electronic meeting information found here. 

Local Laramie Events: 

1) Al-Anon Meetings -

This link has all recovery meetings for the area, scroll down to see the Al-Anon meeting times and locations. Click here. 

2) The Healing Summit - 

Calling all healing professionals, teachers, space holders, providers, healers, and facilitators....a weekend to expereince workshops, healing sessions and networking. June 21-23, 2025. Learn more here. 

Additional Resources: 

1) Podcast: HOPESTREAM - Hopestream Community™ is the not-for-profit destination for support, education and resources for parents of teens and young adults struggling with substance misuse and mental health challenges.

2) Website: SAMHSA - Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administraion -Resource for Families coping with mental health and substance abuse disorders.

3) Website: RECOVERY RESEARCH INSTITUTE - A Guide for family members.

4)Books: Titles that might help you understand addiction and various forms of healing modalities: 

         Codependent No More - Melody Beattie 

         In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts - Gabor Mate, M.D.

        You Can Heal Your Life - Louise Hay

        The Untethered Soul - Micheal Singer

        The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.

        What Happened to You - Bruce D, Perry , M.D. Ph.D.

        The Dance of Anger - Harriet G. Lerner, Ph.D.

        A Monks Guide to Happiness - Gelong Thubten 

        The Let Them Theory - Mel Robbins