Understand how to heal YOU while loving those suffering from addiction.
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My origin story doesn't start with addiction. It has emerged over time, as my loved ones began to struggle. For over the past two decades I have watched the lives of those I love change dramatically due to addiction.....and this is where my deep passion arises for spreading the word about ALL the challenges, feelings and struggles that arise when loving those in addiction.
Sharing about the impact it can have on caregivers and loved ones is a way for me to encourage and inspire others to find support and heal too.
Throughout this process I have shared about a lot of the feelings and challenges that come up for those living around loved ones with addiction. And, yes, that includes some big, intimidating topics like today's, depression.
Of course, I know that depression doesn’t just impact those that are living around addiction. The truth of it is that depression can show up for anyone. And they can manifest in different ways.
- Loss of interest or pleasure in things that once brought joy.
- Fatigue or loss of energy.
- Changes in sleep patterns.
- Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness.
- Irritiability or frustation, even over small matters.
- Appetite or weight changes.
- Thoughts of death or suicide.
This isn't an exhaustive list of what depression feels like, there are many ways that depression shows up for each of us that live around and love those struggling with addiction.
Depression hosts a multitude of emotions like sadness, guilt, shame, emptiness, hoplessness, fear, anxiety, loneliness.....there is a lot of ways that depression shows up, and often they can come in waves with a slew of them showing up at once.
When this happens, remind yourself to meet your nervous system, your body, and your emotions exactly where they are.
Do what you can today, and show up again tomorrow. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
The Heidi that you get to see– the “Healing Heidi” shall we say– often gets comments like…
“You just seem like such a good time!”
“You are living THE life!!”
“Oh my gosh, it just looks like you are having so much fun!!!”
And that typically comes from what people see on the outside or on social media. I am a dancin’, cold plungin’, open-mouth-smilin’ fool, and I’m not afraid to show it! And I love that part of me!
But, that’s obviously not the whole story. The snippets we see of people’s lives never are the whole story.
Actively healing takes hard and consistent work. It’s messy and sometimes dark and not pretty.
And that doesn’t mean that the bubby side of me isn’t real. It absolutely and completely is. I show up as my genuine self, I get so much joy from helping others here, and I embrace the fun along my path– all of that is completely ME. I don’t want you to feel as if you’ve been duped.
But, I do want to acknowledge that healing isn’t always big smiles and rainbow-colored mocktails.
In fact, living around and healing from addiction can be lonely and dark. Often enough, it goes hand-in-hand with depression. That’s just the truth of it.
Similarly to how shame and living around addiction tend to go together, living around addiction can lead to a slew of feelings that lead to depression.
Now, of course, I am not here to diagnose anyone in any way, shape, or form. I am simply here to remind you that this is normal. You are not alone.
Throughout my own journey of living around active addiction, I know the unsettling bouts of depression that creep their way into and seemingly take-over your life. It can almost feel as if you’re buried completely in it… while simultaneously feeling as if you can’t possibly let anyone around you know or even suspect for a moment. It’s– in a word– exhausting.
While everyone’s journey is completely different and I, of course, recommend seeking help from professionals– I do want to offer some steps that you can take to help yourself as you work through some of the symptoms of depression.
Ok, you might not like what’s coming next. It’s simple and sounds cliche. And when discussing depression it sounds pretty frivolous. I’m just going to say it, because it works. SELF-CARE.
There, I got it out.
I don’t actually call it self-care anymore though. I call it REFUELING. And it’s an absolute HUGE part of my healing and holding space for the slew, or sludge of emotions that can lead to depression.
AND, it’s one of the hardest things to do when in the depths of living around those in addiction and heavy with depression.
So, let’s shift our ideas around self-care for a moment. A lot of the times when we think about self care we think about the lavish bubble bath or watching the game. Both of these things take up quite a bit of time, maybe more than you have. But self care can also look like finding small moments to meet your needs. It can be as simple as being intentional while washing your face or showering. It is really important to find these moments to meet our needs and care for ourselves.
Here’s how I refuel:
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Journaling my thoughts or feelings (even just a few lines a day)
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Talking to a trusted friend or therapist
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Allowing myself to cry or rest without guilt
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Listening to music, and YES, dancing!
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Getting outside, taking a short walk in nature or around the block
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Moving with a yoga flow
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Making fun mocktails
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Getting enough sleep
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Reading something inspiring or calming (even a poem, loving Mary Oliver lately)
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Limiting news or social media consumption
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Creativity: linoart, painting, or photography
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Practicing mindfulness or meditation
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Connecting with someone safe and supportive
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Watching something funny and lighthearted
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Attending a support group or community event (online or in person)
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MY DAILY SOMATIC PRACTICE!!!
Depression is big, and all consuming often times. So reach out, and get professional help. AND, start with some small areas in which you can take action, with minimal effort, to start refueling. Charge your battery in little ways, everyday. It adds up. And one day you’ll notice how FULL you are from all the little things. The heaviness of loving those in addiction doesn’t go away, the immense power it has over life just shifts when you decide to heal YOU.
Healing is possible. Even when the addiction continues around you. Keep at it. One small step at a time.
Ready to learn a DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) tool to help you hold space for depression?!?!?
An Emotion Regulation tool you can use in your daily life is a skill and acronym called “PLEASED,” focusing on the “in the now” moments of depression that can boost your awareness as well as your mood in this cycle of addiction from a loved one. You can also use these tools to do WITH your loved one who is struggling with addiction to help keep them involved as a supplementation.
Physical Health: Keep up with your regular medical checkups, check in when illness arises, and take medications as prescribed. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR MIND!!
List Resources and Barriers: Resources to treat depression might look like the support of people you put in your environment, growing knowledge about your depression and well-being, therapy, self, care, and this dbt skill right now! Barriers might be anything that is interfering with your progress, possibly journaling or speaking about the barriers to address them yourself and out loud to see the realness of the situation.
Eat Balanced Meals: Balanced meals always, no dieting, just even scale of everything and in moderation if you can! Don’t make this one a barrier, but see all foods as a resource to fuel yourself! Listen to your body!!
Avoid Drugs and Alcohol: This is why we’re here right? Cutting off generational cycles and being the light in the dark! Stay focused on your goals for yourself as well as your loved one’s goals in their progress!
Sleep between 7 and 10 hours: Regulating your moods and your mental, physical, and emotional well-being starts with giving your body space and time to completely rest. Take a load off, these things can be so heavy!
Exercise for 20 to 60 minutes multiple times weekly and move throughout the day!: You don’t have to become an Olympian, OK? Movement allows your body to spread your energy into different places within your physical frame. This is going to naturally and positively impact those symptoms of your mental health. Specifically those movements outside in the SUN! Think of it this way…. If you’re mentally stuck in the midst of your depression, by physically moving, you’re MOVING out of the midst of the mental depression. A simple walk can do! AND......a somatic practice or QUICKSHIFT is another option here too!!!
Daily: What we do habitually is what we become, make sure those routines are positive for your progress. One thing a day of this list can benefit you in more ways than one, so get out there, turn your brain on auto-pilot and DO it.
Heal YOU, in small ways. Everyday.
The Coco Loco Spritz Mocktail
1 ounce Real Coconuts
5 ounces Pineapple
2 ounces Orange Juice
3 ounces Club Soda
Sprite to taste and preference!
2 Marachino Cherries (Garnish)
1 Orange Wheel (Garnish)
Instructions: Combine all ingredients into shaker, shake and strain over ice in your glass of choice, fill with Sprite to your liking, and garnish with orange twist and cherries!!! ENJOY with friends and loved ones!
RETREAT:
Registration just opened for SUBMERGE 2025 - an immersive breathwork and somatic retreat in Steamboat, CO! Reserve your spot today, space is limited! Sign up here!
ONLINE:
1) The Healing Circle -
Free online monthly somatic healing session (led by Heidi, founder of Life N Flow). Mondays @ 6am MST. Learn more and sign up here.
2) The Heart of Recovery -
A weekly meeting that joins Buddhist meditation and spiritual step work, in order to connect to and engage in a commitment to recovery from addiction, and the everyday addictive behaviors and patterns in our lives. Anyone is invited to participate. Learn more here.
3) Al-Anon Meetings -
Al-Anon is a mutual support group for those that live around addiction. Anyone who's lives have been affected by another person’s addiction is welcome. Online electronic meeting information found here.
Local Laramie Events:
1) Al-Anon Meetings -
This link has all recovery meetings for the area, scroll down to see the Al-Anon meeting times and locations. Click here.
2) The Healing Summit -
Calling all healing professionals, teachers, space holders, providers, healers, and facilitators....a weekend to expereince workshops, healing sessions and networking. June 21-23, 2025. Learn more here.
Additional Resources:
1) Podcast: HOPESTREAM - Hopestream Community™ is the not-for-profit destination for support, education and resources for parents of teens and young adults struggling with substance misuse and mental health challenges.
2) Website: SAMHSA - Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administraion -Resource for Families coping with mental health and substance abuse disorders.
3) Website: RECOVERY RESEARCH INSTITUTE - A Guide for family members.
4)Books: Titles that might help you understand addiction and various forms of healing modalities:
Codependent No More - Melody Beattie
In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts - Gabor Mate, M.D.
You Can Heal Your Life - Louise Hay
The Untethered Soul - Micheal Singer
The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.
What Happened to You - Bruce D, Perry , M.D. Ph.D.
The Dance of Anger - Harriet G. Lerner, Ph.D.
A Monks Guide to Happiness - Gelong Thubten
The Let Them Theory - Mel Robbins
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