Understand how to heal YOU while loving those suffering from addiction.
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Frustration is one of my most, well… frustrating emotions. And I think it’s because frustration truly is a sticky emotion. It can start small, but it just sticks with you, and it builds, and it gets more and more difficult to ignore until it is taking up ALL of your brainspace and you feel about ready to explode!
Right?
We’ve all been there.
Frustrated that we can’t…..
Change the choices of our loved ones.
That we can’t control the outcome of their lives.
That we can’t make pain go away.
That we can’t stop our loved ones from relapsing.
That we have to get the dishes done.
That dinner needs to be planned, prepared, served, and eaten…every single day.
That life is hard, and snow piles up on the sidewalk.
That the Starbucks line is too long.
That our loved one shows up drunk for holidays.
That our loved one doesn’t show up at all.
That we are left to deal with all the shit, while our loved ones numb inside their addiction, or go to rehab, and leave me feeling lonely and exhausted.
That the dishwasher won’t work.
That the laundry is piled high.
That the car won’t start.
That the kids are bullying our child.
That the grocery store declines our payment.
That…that….that…
But, that's just the point. Frustration– like all of our emotions– isn’t meant to be ignored. Ignoring and pushing down emotions is what leads to that slow build and explosion.
It may feel a little counterintuitive, but this is why we use our tools, insert here today's tool…..somatic exercises– like a QUICKSHIFT– to work with those emotions. When we learn to hold space for the messages, it creates space in our body and our mind for the frustration to be a little less sticky. It helps you to move those emotions, to get unstuck and avoid that stagnant build up that feels like it needs to be chipped away with an ax.
Before I introduce today’s QUICKSHIFT, let's chat about one of the major frustrations faced when living around loved ones in addiction: RELAPSE.
Relapse is a normal part of the recovery process when it comes to addiction. But acknowledging this does not make it any less frustrating when it happens to the people we love. What it is important to know is that recovery takes time and these relapses are not a sign of weakness nor do they mean that your person struggling will never get better. The reality of relapse is a harsh and often disheartening part of the recovery process.
It's really important to understand that relapse doesn’t signify failure but rather a setback in a long and difficult journey toward sobriety. It can occur unexpectedly, even after significant periods of abstinence, and may bring feelings of guilt, shame, and frustration - for everyone in the situation.
And the truth is, relapse is not uncommon and is part of the learning process in recovery. YES, it’s frustrating to witness, especially when things seem to be going so good for your loved one. The disappointment for them and their journey. The disappointment with the reality of the path of recovery. It’s frustrating.
Really though, relapse can give valuable clues in the path of recovery…..it can highlight the need for adjustments in treatment, reassessment of coping mechanisms, or a deeper exploration of underlying issues contributing to the addiction. While it may feel like a step backward, relapse can also be a catalyst for growth, encouraging the individual to seek renewed support and re-engage in their recovery with a stronger sense of commitment and understanding.
Remember, it’s okay to feel frustrated, disappointed and heartbroken. Allow yourself the space to feel. This is really hard. Witnessing those you love struggle, it’s complex. Hang in there. I’m with you. Keep showing up, one day at a time, holding space for the challenging emotions of living around addiction.
Disclaimer: If at any time these tools feel too much– like you’re actually starting to feel flooded by the emotions and lose regulation, stop the skills and reach out to a professional to help you safely hold space for these tough emotions.
The QUICKSHIFT that I recommend for when you are experiencing frustration goes like this:
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Notice – this is always the first step, and the most important!!! If you don’t notice what’s happening in your system, it’s impossible to make changes! SO, great job already! Can you identify what activates your frustation? Name it.
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Pause – take a deep breath directly into your belly. Exhale super slowly.
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You can do this standing, seating or lying down even!
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Find your position of choice. Clasp your hands together in front of your chest area.
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Finder tips wrapped around each other, pulling in opposite directions.
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Elbows pointing out to the left and right of the body.
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Hands near the chest, holding onto each other tightly.
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Begin to pull your hands, don’t let go.
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Keep gripping and creating tension, don’t let go.
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Pull hard, hold your hands in the clasped position tightly against your chest while you attend to pull them apart….but don’t let them release their grip.
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Hold in this tension for 3 long deep belly breaths. Then release.
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Take a moment to sit in the stillness.
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Notice your body. The calm, relaxed nature of your body during this stage.
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Repeat, this time for 6 long deep breaths. Then release.
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Again, notice your body and the calm.
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Continue this cycle for 1-3 minutes.
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Hold space for your frustration.
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Say hello to the frustrations, begin to nourish your relationship with it. Notice what arises. Bring awareness to all that surfaces during this practice.
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When you feel the process is complete, return to stillness.
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Notice your breath. Just notice. Increase your capacity to be with the discomfort, one movement one breath at a time.
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Continue the deep belly breathing and noticing what has shifted, or moved as you held space for your frustration today.
Quick Shift– What The Movement Does:
Now, it may sound weird, but frustration is actually a perfect emotion for showcasing the benefits of a QUICKSHIFT or Somatic Therapy. And that’s because frustration is such a “builder” emotion. Meaning, oftentimes we can literally feel frustration building in our system. It starts small– maybe just a bit of annoyance– and then it continues to build and build and build until you feel like you may actually explode!
It’s a bit like shaking a liter of soda, really.
That pressure is just building with nowhere to go.
That’s where the magic of the QUICKSHIFT comes in! The QUICKSHIFT is like loosening the lid on that soda. It releases some pressure. It allows some space for the rest of the bubbles to settle. It doesn't completely get rid of all the bubbles (just like we don’t want to “get rid” of all these emotions), but it allows for them to be less intense and destructive.
That’s what we are looking for. You are creating and finding space for the emotions without the blow-up. It takes time, but it works, and it is oh-so worth it.
Spice Ice Baby
6 Tbsp Thai tea
2 Cups boiling water
1 Cup sugar
½ Cup Milk of choice
1 Tsp Alma liquid alcohol-free tincture (optional)
Instructions: Place the Thai tea in a tea ball and add to boiling water. Let steep for 5 minutes. Add the sugar, stir until dissolved. Remove from heat and let cool. Add ice to your favorite glass, pour in ½ cup of the Thai tea and sugar mixture. Add in the Alma tincture (which has been known to be a “superfruit” and loaded with tons of vitamin C, great for this time of year and boosting the immune system!), top with ½ cup of your favorite milk. Stir, sip and share with friends and loved ones!
New:
Registration just opened for SUBMERGE 2025 - an immersive breathwork and somatic retreat in Steamboat, CO! Reserve your spot today, space is limited! Sign up here!
Online:
1) The Healing Circle -
Free online monthly somatic healing session (led by Heidi, founder of Life N Flow). Mondays @ 6am MST. Learn more and sign up here.
2) The Heart of Recovery -
A weekly meeting that joins Buddhist meditation and spiritual step work, in order to connect to and engage in a commitment to recovery from addiction, and the everyday addictive behaviors and patterns in our lives. Anyone is invited to participate. Learn more here.
3) Al-Anon Meetings -
Al-Anon is a mutual support group for those that live around addiction. Anyone who's lives have been affected by another person’s addiction is welcome. Online electronic meeting information found here.
Local Laramie Events:
1) Al-Anon Meetings -
This link has all recovery meetings for the area, scroll down to see the Al-Anon meeting times and locations. Click here.
Additional Resources:
1) Podcast: HOPESTREAM - Hopestream Community™ is the not-for-profit destination for support, education and resources for parents of teens and young adults struggling with substance misuse and mental health challenges.
2) Website: SAMHSA - Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administraion -Resource for Families coping with mental health and substance abuse disorders.
3) Website: RECOVERY RESEARCH INSTITUTE - A Guide for family members.
4)Books: Codependency No More
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