Understand how to heal YOU while loving those suffering from addiction.
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Powerlessness is omnipresent when living around addiction. That overwhelming sense of being unable to control or stop the behaviors of those you love. Despite all the negative consequences that arise, the pain that continues to wreak havoc on your family and friends, there seems to be nothing you can do to stop the devastation.
AGH. AGH. AHHHHHHHHH. Witnessing the perpetual destructive behaviors, emotional turmoil and physical deterioration that follows years of addiction, without effective interventions leads to feelings of helplessness. And yes, feeling so damn powerless. Despite offering support, advice, a shelter, food to eat, resources for treatment, often nothing seems to reach those within the talons of addiction. And the powerless leads to so much guilt, confusion, frustration, and heartache.
Hence, the emotional toll on those that want to provide help can be tremendous, and leave you feeling stuck in the constant disappointment, dread and sorrow cycle. However, it’s important to recognize that addiction is a complex disease that requires professional intervention, and no one person can bear the responsibility of "fixing" it alone. And often these cycles are passed down generationally, contributing to the challenges of healing for the entire family system. This process can be long and painful, and seems like nothing can be done to help.
Great, right?!?!? Sometimes this feels like the depth of the healing necessary is too much to carry, and the cycles too deep to change.
I hear you. Addiction and the chaos within the entire family system runs deep in my family too.
I've decided to make a choice, to show up in small ways everyday and continue the healing.....and slowly break the patterns of my past.
I’ve always loved this approach to the journey:
Healing is hard.
Staying stuck is hard.
Choose your hard.
I get to choose what “hard” I want to live with. And in small ways, every day, I choose the hard, yet incredbile journey to heal. And then, over time, as I see the changes ripple out.....I don't feel so powerless. I can see the changes and hope returns....not because the addiction stops, lets be very clear, hope returns becuase I can feel joy, admist the sorrow of addiction.
Let's talk for a moment about generational patterns and why it's so hard to break the cycle.
One of the things that makes it very hard to stop these generational patterns is generational trauma. Generational trauma is psychological and physiological effects (trauma responses) that are passed down from one generation to the next. If your family's response to trauma is to turn to an addiction and that is what you have always seen it can then be very hard to choose to do something different. You may even feel powerless to do anything different. These patterns could have been passed down from multiple generations and that knowledge might allow you to feel more compassion for those in your life struggling.
While it may feel like there is nothing that can be done, offering compassion, setting boundaries, and encouraging treatment are crucial steps in supporting someone through their journey, and healing generational patterns of addiction within families. At times, the best way to help may be to seek guidance from addiction specialists or support groups, not only for the addict but for the loved ones who often feel trapped in their own sense of powerlessness.
Disclaimer: If at any time these tools feel too much– like you’re actually starting to feel flooded by the emotions and lose regulation, stop the skills and reach out to a professional to help you safely hold space for these tough emotions.
Something to keep in mind when thinking about generational trauma and patterns is that you are you, and they are who they are. Without accepting what has already happened, it’s easier to fall into that position of following the footsteps. Every day, we have the power to fall into our pain or accept it. For everything. Through the lens of Dialectical Beahvior Therapy, here are four basic choices that we must consider when working towards acceptance:
Radical Acceptance turned into Everyday Acceptance:
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Change the situation that is causing pain - What would you be willing to do to end this cycle in suffering? We have to see the reality of the situation first to be able to change anything.
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Change how you see the situation or what you think about it - Is this a downright tragedy, or a situation you are willing to find and learn strength and patience within?
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Radically accept the situation - Accepting means you are no longer adding to the pain. “What’s done is done,” and there is space and the world of room to move forward. No changing, no escaping, you are you and that situation is what it is. Separately.
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Stay stuck in suffering until you are ready to accept reality - Acceptance is the precursor to CHANGE and breaking the cycle. Would sitting in the suffering help you to feel it fully before moving forward?
Try writing down your answers to these questions to find awareness of the depth of the cycles and patterns within your family and your loved ones. Notice what you have the power to change, and what you don't. And as I say with the QUICKSHIFTS, NOTICE NOTICE NOTICE.....start to notice the patterns and how deep they run throughout your family, then move toward acceptance and finding power to take action towards change.
The PowerFULL Puree Blend
3 ounces Strawberry Puree
1 ounce Real Coconut
3 ounces Pineapple Juice
3 ounces Sour Mix (make your own with the recipe from newsletter no.7)
½ ounce Grenadine
2 Marachino Cherries
Whip cream
1 Orange Wheel (orange peel shaped into a wheel on a toothpick, if you want to be creative) 😀
Instructions: Combine all ingredients in blender and blend until smooth, pour into your glass, and garnish with whipped cream, orange wheel, and cherries!
RETREAT:
Registration just opened for SUBMERGE 2025 - an immersive breathwork and somatic retreat in Steamboat, CO! Reserve your spot today, space is limited! Sign up here!
ONLINE:
1) The Healing Circle -
Free online monthly somatic healing session (led by Heidi, founder of Life N Flow). Mondays @ 6am MST. Learn more and sign up here.
2) The Heart of Recovery -
A weekly meeting that joins Buddhist meditation and spiritual step work, in order to connect to and engage in a commitment to recovery from addiction, and the everyday addictive behaviors and patterns in our lives. Anyone is invited to participate. Learn more here.
3) Al-Anon Meetings -
Al-Anon is a mutual support group for those that live around addiction. Anyone who's lives have been affected by another person’s addiction is welcome. Online electronic meeting information found here.
Local Laramie Events:
1) Al-Anon Meetings -
This link has all recovery meetings for the area, scroll down to see the Al-Anon meeting times and locations. Click here.
2) The Healing Summit -
Calling all healing professionals, teachers, space holders, providers, healers, and facilitators....a weekend to expereince workshops, healing sessions and networking. June 21-23, 2025. Learn more here.
Additional Resources:
1) Podcast: HOPESTREAM - Hopestream Community™ is the not-for-profit destination for support, education and resources for parents of teens and young adults struggling with substance misuse and mental health challenges.
2) Website: SAMHSA - Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administraion -Resource for Families coping with mental health and substance abuse disorders.
3) Website: RECOVERY RESEARCH INSTITUTE - A Guide for family members.
4)Books: Titles that might help you understand addiction and various forms of healing modalities:
Codependent No More - Melody Beattie
In The Realm of Hungry Ghosts - Gabor Mate, M.D.
You Can Heal Your Life - Louise Hay
The Untethered Soul - Micheal Singer
The Body Keeps the Score - Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.
What Happened to You - Bruce D, Perry , M.D. Ph.D.
The Dance of Anger - Harriet G. Lerner, Ph.D.
A Monks Guide to Happiness - Gelong Thubten
The Let Them Theory - Mel Robbins
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